I WipeThe Grief Off My Hands

I wipe the grief off of my hands.
My hands that are stained with the tears of loss.
The fingers that tuck the hairs behind my ears,
Of the locks that carry the salt of the tears I've cried.

I wipe the grief off my hands.
I wash the palms that hold the face,
Of the parents that once comforted me,
In my times of need.

I wipe the grief off of my hands.
The hands that understand that,
There is never enough toughness
To make this ache go away.

I wipe the grief off of my hands.
And weep again with the ache,
As I hold them together.
Knowing that in this world,
They cannot entwine again with his.

As I wipe the grief off of my hands,
I look for the hands that offer to comfort me,
On this journey I'm still on.
To pick me up and help me stand;
As I struggle for a way to
Wipe this grief off of my hands.

My Children

The children that God had entrusted to me carry their unique burdens.  They bear the weight of a thousand generations placed upon them.  Some of whom, they have never met before, nor have I. 

My children are the descendants of the Viking warriors; in whom which their blood runs thick.  My children carry the fighter spirit of the Revolutionary soldier and the wonder of the California Gold Rush.  My children are the proud great-grandsons of a fighter on D-Day, and a grandfather who weathered the storms of the farmers in the 80's. 

My children face first-hand, the unexpected loss of Fragile X; both within themselves and outside of them.  My sons are resilient. 

I hope, as any mother does, that my sons find ways to adapt; that they find their place in this world.  I hope that this life isn't too harsh for them and that those that surround them understand what they are going through. 

Life is a journey, and at this point we're just beginning ours.  I pray that they find the strength of the goodness that runs through their blood and that they see the blessings in the mundane little things. 

I hope that one day, they can look back on our journey and hold their children tight and thank God for the hardships that they have faced.

If they can do that, with a heart filled with happiness, they will be okay.

One

I imagine us as one; intertwined, but uniquely distinct.  Holding hearts and hands, spread across a great and vast universe; weathering the storms of life together. 

We umbrella each other during the hurricanes, we shelter during the storms, we offer a drink during the drought, and a reprieve from the oppressive heat. 

We share something unique and special.  We mourn in our sadness and rejoice in our triumphs.  We carefully guard our hearts, while offering a glimpse into our collective soul. 

We are born and thrive with and in  and because of our warrior spirit.  Sometimes we are broken alone, but we become glued together, whole again, with our fragile pieces.

We breathe life into one another and because of that our spirits are lifted higher than they could have been if separated. 

We are the lucky ones.  Those of us who have been humbled.  Those of us who know weakness.  Those of us who have grieved.  Those of us who have lost.  Those of us who are resourceful, strong, and courageous. 

We fight this fight together.  We live this life with love.  We lay down at night with a tear of sadness on our left, but a thousand tears of happiness on our right. 

We love and are loved in return.

Love

<sup>Love is a very powerful thing.  It bridges the gaps between this world and that.  It heals all hurts and wraps you in a blanket of comfort and security.  Love is what makes life worth living. 

Love, in its most genuine form, is what will greet you on the other side.  Love guides you when you are a baby, wrapped in your parents' loving embrace.  Love guides you as a child, when you learn right from wrong.  Love is what we all seek as we grow older.  Someone who loves you and whom you love back; even if they don't have to.  Love embraces a mother's heart as she carries her unborn child and love is what gets you through the hard times. 

Love is a hug.  Love is a kiss.  Love can be wrapped in a kind word.  Love is sharing in something very, very special.  Love can even be found in the smile of a stranger.  Love, sweet love, is what it's all about. 

Love is gentle. 
Love is kind.
Love never ends.</sup>

In The Night

In the middle of the night,
I reach for you.
In the middle of the night,
You are my home.

In the middle of the night,
You anchor me.
You are my center.

In the middle of the night,
You hold my hand when
The world gets too harsh.
When the expectations
Passed us by.

You fight with me.
You love me.
You hold me.
You encompass my everything.

When it's too much, I look to you.
You make it okay.
You amaze me and I adore you.
My sweet Doug.
My husband.
My life.
My everything.

I am thankful.

?

That smile, that smiled.
That laugh, that laughed.
Those eyes that twinkled.
Those words that healed.
That soul that lived.
Where is he now?

Those hands that held.
Those arms that hugged.
Those feet that walked.
That father who is mine.
Where is he now?

That soul that passed.
Those shoes left empty.
Those words left unsaid.
Does he hear me now?

The dreams I dream.
The wishes I wish.
The hopes I hope.
He hears them all.

The future I imagine.
The beauty of heaven.
He waits for me.
He is there now.

Once Upon My Life

Once upon my life, in a time not so long ago, lived a girl who believed in fairy tales.  A girl who thought "for ever after" was just a given, without any work involved.  A girl who had met her Prince Charming and believed her glass slipper was unbreakable. 

When that once upon a time turned into forever after, and the Big Bad Wolf came knocking on her door, she realized that she would need to place her glass slippers upon a shelf and find a pair of good running shoes.  She tried on many sizes and styles, until she found a pair that fit just right for the moment and the time she was in.

Her new shoes weren't as pretty and stylish as the ones of her yesteryear, but oddly enough, they fit.  They were practical in a way those pretty flawless shoes would never be.  Those new shoes kept her sturdy; they were strong, dependable, and just perfect to help her muddle through the trenches of the Deep Dark Woods. 

There were times when she missed those fairy tale shoes sitting pretty upon her shelf.  There were many moments when she gazed at them and imagined, "what if"; when she longed to wear them, and envied her friends who could.  But, not all princesses are meant to wear heels. 

Thankfully, this fairy tale has a happy ending.  Even if she had to help write it herself.  The day she understood that her idea of a fairy tale, was in essence, make-believe, she was able to yank that pen away from that "once upon her life" and start writing a new chapter; one that was built on reality.

And in that reality lived Fairy Godmothers in the form of friends whose magical spell of love cast a barrier between her and the Big Bad Wolf.  In that reality lived a Prince Charming who rides on a horse braver and truer than anything Cinderella could have imagined.  In that reality, everyone who loves her, dons the most wonderful pair of boots.  Some wear them all of the time and some place their slippers upon the shelf and for moments in time, join her in the trenches of life and get muddy and dirty and laugh and cry and try to understand; all because they love her. 

And, she thanks them, all of them, for helping her understand that life is what you make of it and a large part of that is who you surround yourself with.  She is thankful for her fairy tale.  This one was written for her and she couldn't do it without the supporting cast God has given her.