Sunday, March 16, 2014

In the Middle of an Ordinary Dream

My father came to visit me last night,
In the middle of an ordinary dream.
He picked me up in his beat-up truck
And parked in the backyard field
that overlooked my childhood stream.

He faced the truck towards the north,
And he quieted the restlessness in my heart.
I'd seen this field a thousand times--
But never quite like this.

The trees were lush.
The crops were green and full.
And the sky was a brilliant shade of blue,
The canvas to heaven's most perfect clouds.

And then he spoke,
But not with words.
His thoughts were impressed upon my soul.
A love so incredibly pure.
A love stronger than any emotion,
My earthly presence could understand.

And every instant a question formed in my heart,
He had answered it before my thought was done.
I don't recall every detail of his heavenly visit,
But the one thing I believe I was meant to remember--
The one message that was imprinted upon my soul,
Was simply this--
"I love you.  I have never left you. I will never leave you."
And even these words don't exactly fit.

I believe the day I will truly understand what it all means
Is the day I join him,
When I go--

And perhaps if I'm lucky,
He'll pick me up for one last ride in that dusty old pick-up truck.
And drive me over the horizon,
Past our fields of green.
Over the creek behind our home...
To the other side.

Friday, March 7, 2014

The God Winks: Nineteen Months Later

Incredible God Winks happen in life, sometimes you just have to close your eyes, trust your heart and believe.

It's been almost nineteen months to the day since my dad passed away.  Nineteen months of healing and nineteen months of learning how to live without him in this world.  It's been nineteen months of acceptance and understanding.  Nineteen months of unparalleled growth.  And, it's been nineteen months of sweet winks from God.

It's so interesting to me how the God Winks I've been blessed with have changed over time.  From the butterflies to the dreams, each one has brought me precisely what I've needed at that moment.  This week, I had two incredible, unbelievable, and amazing God Winks.  With the permission of my sweet friends, it's my honor to share them. 

Keep in mind, these experiences happened independently of one another.  Neither of my sweet friends personally knew my father and they both are very recent, beautiful, welcome additions to my life.  Here is our collective "story".

Tuesday morning, I woke up to find the following message from my friend, Valerie:

This may sound super weird but this morning I heard this song in my car and and image of you and your dad popped in my head. I know that I only "know" him through your pictures and stories but thought I would share what happened....

(This is the video she linked.)


What she didn't know is I just bought this CD, and the very reason I bought it was because of this song.  It reminds me of my dad.  I had just told Doug how much I loved the song and explained to him all of the reasons why.  My dad. His pickup. Moving to Arizona. 

I messaged my friend back and asked her what her vision consisted of.  I'm so happy I asked her...

It was kind of like the picture of him that you have where he is speaking at your wedding (I think) but it was closer up and more of a profile from the right side. Then in my head I heard "Sarah's Dad" then I saw an image of him driving a pickup and you as like a late teen/early 20's riding and then flashing to a little girl then back to you again... so weird... I just smiled and felt happiness and warmth in my heart. This seriously happened in a matter of seconds as I was turning on I-10 from Warner this morning. I have no doubt that was some kind of message to you. 


And this part made me laugh: Did he have a truck? What she didn't know was that my dad was a truck man. From the time I was a little girl (and possibly before that), my dad always drove a truck. 

When I told Valerie that my dad always had a truck and one in particular, an old rusty brown one that he drove for years during the eighties.  That dirty, dusty old pickup truck was as much a part of my father as we were.  A trusted old friend that weathered the storms of the heartland, but also the storms of the economy.  Although she didn't see that exact truck, what she wrote next melted my heart.

I am so glad that i was able to share that with you!! I cant quite see the color of the truck but he was adjusting the radio and seemed really happy...

And then, the next day...

So....this morning i went into school early with no children in the car so it was actually quiet. As i was backing out of my spot i said a quick prayer and just told your dad thanks for letting me be that messenger for you yesterday and i kid you the next second that song came on the radio! I know it plays a lot right now but that was too much of a!

And just now as I was asking permission to use her name, she sent this: P.s. your dad was laughing a hearty laugh while changing the radio in my vision!

And two days later, as I was still on the high from Valerie's message, I had another God Wink.  This time it was from my sweet friend, Sherece. 

I wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you all and praying for you all. You, your mother, and your dad were all in my dream last night...not sure why. They were both so sweet. When I woke up I felt a sense of urgency to pray for you all. I love you, and just wanted to let you know.

I read and reread this message over and over and over again.  I replayed it and digested it and felt such love from Sherece.  To know that my dear friend was praying for us was such a beautiful gift.  I think aside from having a visit from my dad, the part I love the most is the fact that she was praying for me, without my knowledge, and with such urgency and love, breaks my heart in the most loving of ways.

When I finally messaged her back and asked her what her dream was about, she sent me this:

The entire dream was bizarre from what I remember. We were at a hospital, your dad was being treated for something but it wasn't cancer. He and I were roommates in the hospital, but I wasn't sick. You, your mom and I were waiting outside the room talking and laughing. When I went in the room to get my things your dad was healthy and talking to me. He had on overalls and was kind of laying on his side. He told me some corny joke, it was beyond hilarious to him. Nothing really stood out in the dream...but when I woke up I felt so deeply in my spirit that I needed to pray for your family.

Check out the bold part; for those of you who know my dad, he was an overalls guy, and it would be COMPLETELY typical of him to tell some corny joke and find it HILARIOUS!  As soon as I read that, I'm sure he could hear me laughing in heaven!! 

Amazing, incredible, and wonderful things happen all of the time.  They happen around us, to us, and with us.  They happen because of and in spite of what we believe.  Simply put, miracles so still happen. 

We are all so loved; in this life and beyond.  I am so lucky to have a father who lets me know he's still with me and his new friends who pass on the messages of healing. 

God bless! xoxo

Sunday, March 2, 2014

In the Darkness of Midnight

In the darkness of midnight,
In the time before dawn;
When the angels come whisper,

Their sweet goodnight song.

I meet you in heaven,
Between this life and yours.

To dance in the clouds

Of our most perfect song.
I hear your voice whisper,

You tell me hello.

Your arms wrap me tight,

We tango as two.
You kiss my head sweetly,

Your hands tangled with mine.
I step on your toes-

We keep perfect time.
In the darkness of midnight,

In the time before dawn.
The angels sing to us-

To you

I belong.