Sunday, April 28, 2013

To My Father


I am not quite sure where to begin. Since your passing, I have run the gament of emotions.  And with each one, I have felt your presence with me; when I feel alone and when I feel completely connected to you.

I was there at the moment of your death, but in a surreal way I felt so happy for you, even as my heart was breaking.  As much as I would love to take that moment away, I know that it happened as it was supposed to be. 

You waited for me and you were not alone in that wait.  I boarded a plane to you, but no miles could separate us from each other.  I prayed prayers I didn't speak out loud.  They lay silent in my mind and in my heart.  I longed for you and my family.

Since then, you have come to visit me.  You speak to me in whispers, in smells, in dreams, and in the quiet solitude of my loneliness.  You are so close to me and I know it.  I understand it.   My only wish is that you come to see me more. 

Somewhere along the way, I quit counting the minutes, the hours, the days and the months.  Somewhere along the way, I have come to "understand" that you are gone.  You don't belong to this earth, and you never belonged to me.  You were, and are, a part of something bigger than we realize. 

Silent words will never be enough to tell you how much you mean to me. You live in my heart and you live in those who love you.  As you once told me, "I will never leave you, Sarah."  I realize that now.  It may seem odd, but I feel as if you're closer to me now than when you were alive. 

Keep talking in God's ear, Dad.  Keep making that beautiful place in Heaven for us.  We will meet you soon...on the other side.